When you hit an all-time low

‘I am not a failure, I said I’m not a failure….I can never be a failure, but they say I am. How can I be a failure?’ These words when you hear your little one murmuring, you can feel the sting of pain in you and the urge to do anything and everything in your power to make it right for her. Our mom being a working woman had very little time to spend with us, given her busy schedule. We have no complaints though cause we know that even she felt upset at not being able to look after us the way she wanted to as she had to build a secure future for us. I therefore became the second mom for my little wonder of joy, my little sister. From understanding her otherwise gibberish language when she was a toddler to singing lullaby to her so that she falls to sleep, I did it all. And then as she grew up, our relation too witnessed changes with every passing season. We were more like a mother-daughter duo in the early phase gradually advancing to the ‘squabling siblings’ stage and now we are the best of friends who share every tiniest of secrets with each other. I am glad I have been able to take active part in every passing phase of my munchkin. But today miles away from her seated in the plane, I feel helpless as I hear her break down on call. I look back at my past and try to recall every such incident where I had felt low and the words of mom that would instantly get me on my toes with confidence in my eyes. As she ends her narration of the rather depressing incident with her tear choked broken voice, I speak. I speak the words that I know would atleast keep her worries at bay. I say the most soothing words that I know she was longing to hear ‘ You are the best darling…you are our pride and you know that, don’t you?’ I hear a tired reply in assertion but as I proceed the announcement is made to turn the mobile on flight mode. Left with no option, I bid her with parting message and assure her that I’ll connect with her as soon as the flight lands. But during the flight I could not get my mind off and so I scribble down what I could have possibly said, should the take off announcement hadn’t been made.

It goes something like this ‘Tell me honestly, those who said such things to you, do they matter to you even a bit? You know what, the whole journey of life that we embark on is in fact a really negligible part compared to the journey of the earth we live on. Knowing that our life is so short, our responsibility is to make every second count and not waste by dwelling over the difficult past. And the ones who should matter to you are the ones who actually help you realise how blessed you are with the talents you possess cause these people will stay with you in the long run. No one is a failure unless the person in control gives up and I want you to keep fighting not to prove to those ‘self-assumed verdict passing’ judgemental people but to reach your own expectations. And darling you don’t need to be perfect in every way, for you know as the saying goes ‘to err is human and to forgive is divine’. If you make mistakes then don’t be too hard on yourself, introspect and learn from the mistakes and try to work on them so that you get to see a brighter and better side of yours every time. This life is yours, so will be the final call. Just relax and give it a thought. Your words should matter the most and nothing else, so stay put on all those horses of unnecessary thoughts running around and more specifically stay put on self deprecation, nothing is worse than that! Have confidence in you and I know you will do wonders darling. Keep smiling and spread joy around.’

I reach the end of the page and give a glance over to imbibe the meaning, each word of my draft holds. My ‘meditation period’, as I like to put it, meets with a turbulence as the captain announces the journey coming to an end with the landing taking place in the next few minutes. And now I prepare myself to pep up the somber mood of my sister by confirming what to say and what not to say. Every word has to be uttered with caution as it can have unforeseen consequences. And so I pray as we land, people pray fearing the jolts they may feel on flight but I pray with the expectation of becoming a responsible elder sister who my sister can look up to.